Sunday, August 23, 2009

Something to share

Alhamdullilah, thanks to Mya, this blog is finally up and welcoming all readers out there to share their moments towards motherhood.

I guess I can’t really share much into this blog (so I'll drop by writing in once in a while) because the fact that I’m not a mother to be is sumthing painful to accept but redha is the key to everything that happen to my entire name of life when sumthing happen not as what you want or expect.

Anyhow I thanks god, for many good reason He actually gave me the chance to feel how it is like to feel pregnant although not for long ( 10 weeks to be exact, when a miscarriage occur after that), as for now I’m hoping and praying that it will happen again sumday and certainly hoping a smooth sailing one : )

I guess is not wrong for me to share a little bit story of mine throughout this never ending journey of motherhood to you readers, as I believe certain things in life is worth sharing even if it is with strangers coz we never know how it can actually touch and help sumone in return.

I’ve been married for about 3 and half year with the same person I fall in love 9 years back, everything happen smooth for us, alhamdullilah with the blessing from our parents we were married in 2006. A year after marriage, we plan to have kids but after 6 months of trying (based on ovulation date and etc) nothing happen, so we decided to go for gynae check-up ( I always believe it is my problem because I never really had a regular period as it can happen like twice a month and always strongly believe that being irregular is the culprit behind all the hassle) , so the gynae confirm that I was diagnosed with PCOS ( polycystic ovarian syndrome ) a failure of the ovary to release eggs and resulted to cumulated cyst in both of the ovaries, what cause this is simply because of hormonal imbalance that has occur during my first moments of having period, the gynae told me to be patience coz there are many treatment for this and one of it was to have the ovarian drilling a procedure where they will puncture the ovary with small incision / hole and the result is that I should have a regular period cycle and ovulation will happen naturally. We went through it…and yes my period is a bit regular although sumtimes it can actually lengthen to a 45 days cycle… (Another issue of how can you track your ovulation when your cycle is longer that normal)…a year later, not wanting to lose hope both me and hubby agree to undergo IUI (intra uterine insemination) sumwhere last nov 2008, but god decide nothing happen. We still try naturally and stop the frequent visit to gynae ( cost and mentally tired, I just gave up in visiting the gynae), Mungkin tuhan tidak mahu hambanya berputus asa…when I was confirmed pregnant in the middle of Feb 2009, a happiness that I can never described for the prayers has actually making a huge progress…well the pregnancy has not really been stable at the very early age, but we try our best to keep it viable, namun Tuhan lebih mengetahui..and finally I had a miscarriage, another sadness that I just do not know how to describe…but alhamdullilah I’m still very much alive and very much at peace…now I can take things a lot ( a lot and lot easier, in fact I told myself…If I’m not chosen to be a mother in this life, I have to accept it and channel my love towards sumthing else or maybe sumone else) no…I’m not giving up, just that I am much at peace now…if it happen again..I thanks God for the chance…and even if it doesn’t happen also, I still thanks God for having this stand now…

I’m happy that Mya is already half through her journey ( sumhow I understand how she felt when she lost all her previous pregnancy) and praying that this will be a successful one. I am happy also that my only sister is ready to be a mother and expecting to deliver by end of nov this year…at least those who I care is realizing the dream…and surely I can enjoy the same happiness ( although not the same) with them :)

Reason why I’m writing this : -
1 – Simply becoz I wanna be part of this blog, although I’m not expecting but I read quite a lot on pregnancy and fertility issue : )
2- An advise to all hoping mother to be, listen to your body needs…eat healthily coz the baby is the product of what you eat, seek for your gynae advise especially on medical issue that can never be explained by your mother, sister or frens.
3- Traditional way may help but let it be just for massage and pure akar kayu medicine to promote your fertility.
4- Learnt to accept everything that happens to us is with a reason that is good for us…sumtimes we cry but we must never forget that there are others who cried more for even greater challenge and obstacle.
5 – Lastly, take things easy in life ( this one is a constant reminder to myself : ))

Luv & Take care people!

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